November 13, 2011 § Leave a comment
So much for my promise of updating again the next day.. ha. One of these days, I’ll post the recipe. One of these days..
I’m feeling fairly nostalgic. You were warned.
Graduation has come and gone. It was great to see so many of my classmates from the many grueling hours spent together in labs, tutorials, and lectures excel and be recognized for their achievements over the past 3 years. Our valedictorian was a girl from my tight-knit marine series of courses, and I remember sitting at the bench across from her during first year bio labs. I remember how diligent and serious about her work she seemed even then. Who knew, right? As I sat in the audience and listened to her speech, I reflected on those times when our benches would try to ‘divide and conquer’ all the work we had to get done in lab (it was truly the only way to do it). It was nice to reconnect with friends and acquaintances that I hadn’t seen or spoken to in a long time, some even from high school. I’m glad I decided to go through with this graduation nonsense after all; it was a nice little experience.
It hasn’t quite struck me that I more than likely will never see half of those people again. That tends to happen to me a lot; I enjoy the time I spend with people I like spending time with, but I take for granted that we will see each other again. I guess I prefer to live in that moment with them. Quite a few of my friends don’t live here, and they’ll be going back to wherever it is they came from.. and that kinda.. sucks. This is true even for the people that will remain in Jamaica; there is no real guarantee that our paths will ever cross again. I’ve had many relationships that I thought would never come to an end, but how can you know at the outset of a friendship if it will stand the test of time and distance? The simple truth is that you don’t. All you can really do is appreciate and learn from your relationship with that person while you still have it. There’s a poem that talks about how people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime; you might not know from the start which fits each person, but upon reflection it might become clear. I try to think of that whenever a friendship comes to an end. Maybe they just weren’t meant to be there for a lifetime.
Now that a major chapter of my life has closed, I’m looking forward and wondering where exactly it is that I go from here.
I remember when I was little, I would stare out the window of the car at the passing scenery on the way to school and wonder what would become of my life. What was I going to be? I was too young to consider too many possibilities (becoming an astronaut was definitely at the top of the list, though), but I distinctly remember wondering where I would be in another 10, 20.. some abstract number of years. And to be perfectly honest, I am still not entirely sure some 15+ years later.
I used to create checkpoints for myself, in moments much like that one while I travelled in the back seat and think to myself, you will remember this moment. Remember this when you’re 13. Remember this when you’re 18. Remember this thought and make sure you’re happy. Make sure you’re doing what you need to be doing. Don’t disappoint me.
Like time capsules of thought that I buried away in my mind.
I don’t waste time telling people about these things I used to think about because 1, a lot of the time people don’t believe me when I describe the depth of thought I had at that age (I was a really intense kid), and 2, who would listen? But I figure if you’re bored enough to be reading this, I might as well share that with you 🙂
I think as a symptom of getting older and busier, I haven’t checked in with myself like that in a while. And now that I’ve unearthed one of those time capsules again, I wonder, would 5 year old me be happy with where I’ve brought myself?
I’m not sure. I don’t really remember what 5 year old me was like. But I’m striving for that.